Marine's widow forging new life

'I have to be strong,' says Utah's Miyuki Cawley

Inside Miyuki Cawley's Japan Sage Market in Salt Lake City, Miyuki talks on a sunny Thursday afternoon about how she sees the face of her late Marine husband in her 11-year-old son, Cecil.

More than three years after her husband's death, the father/son resemblance comforts Miyuki in his absence, yet the sorrow — and the guilt — she feels over his death are still fresh.

She has privately mourned his loss and remains outwardly strong for her son and for her daughter, Keiko, 9.

"I have to be strong," Miyuki says.

The market she now owns was a place frequented by her husband, Marine Reservist Staff Sgt. James W. Cawley, who was able to speak, write and read Japanese.

James Cawley's business card for his job as a Salt Lake City police officer was in the cash register when his wife purchased the market last April from retiring owner Carl Tohinaka. James wanted Carl to know that he was just a phone call away in a time of need.

Miyuki's life now as a store owner and single mother is just one example of what the process of moving on is like for families left behind by fallen soldiers.

Many soldiers who have died in Iraq since the United States invaded in 2003 were in their 30s and 40s. Among the 2,585 dead (as of Aug. 4), 655 were at least age 30 — more than 130 of them 40 or older.

Many of the dead were volunteer soldiers who had wives, children and established careers. At least seven of the 16 Utah soldier fatalities — three of whom were older than 30 — had sons and daughters waiting at home.

By comparison, the average age of soldiers killed in Vietnam was about 20, in contrast to about 27 in Iraq.

In the wake of these older soldiers dying, many families must fend for themselves without a husband, father and primary breadwinner.

Professionally, James Cawley had risen to the rank of police detective at the time he was run over and killed by a Humvee being driven to a firefight in Al Fajr, a community between Nasiriyah and Baghdad, on March 29, 2003. He was Utah's first, and remains, at age 41, the state's oldest military fatality in the Iraq war.

Miyuki remembers her husband's decision in 2001 to join the Reserves after already serving 12 years in the Marines. He liked the idea of someday getting two retirement checks, including one from his job of about six years as a police officer. He would only have to serve eight years as a reservist to earn the second retirement check.

Miyuki encouraged him in his decision. But her support back then has turned into a weight she now carries with her every day.

"I feel so guilty," she says.

Miyuki tries to hold back the tears that still come with the guilt.

Her eyes brighten when asked about their life before he rejoined the Marines and their life before the war.

Miyuki Miyagi and James Cawley met in 1990 in Okinawa, Japan, where James' unit was stationed at the time. The two became friends, dated for two years and married on Nov. 29, 1992. There were two ceremonies in Japan, one for Miyuki's Japanese family, and a Christian ceremony with a traditional white wedding gown.

The Cawleys moved to Utah in 1993, settled in Layton and would eventually have two children, Keiko and Cecil.

One week before James went to Iraq, he spoke with Miyuki about her wish to one day run a Japanese market in Utah.

"He said, 'That's a good idea,' " Miyuki recalls.

After news of his death sank in, Miyuki began thinking seriously about moving back to Japan. James had even suggested it as a possibility in a letter he wrote to his family before he died.

But James' extended family in this country rallied around Miyuki.

His brother and five sisters, Salt Lake City police officers, Marines who knew James, even firefighters and strangers from within Utah's Japanese community have stood by Miyuki's side since 2003.

James' sister, Julie Cawley Hanson, has been struck by how Marines have responded, checking in with Miyuki, making sure she is doing well.

"I don't know what they do to them at boot camp," Julie says. "Once a Marine, always a Marine."

Going back to Japan and her family there would have been the easier way for Miyuki to cope. Instead, she sacrificed her own desire and took the hard road for the sake of her children.

"I chose the difficult way, the hard way, on purpose," she says.

But some things have made life in Utah easier.

Miyuki was able to purchase the market at 1515 S. Main by using funds from James' death benefits. She received more than $100,000 from the military and money from Salt Lake City.

Military benefits continue, with 20 percent to 30 percent off of her monthly purchases from the PX, or grocery store, at Hill Air Force Base. There are still health benefits and lifetime discounts for her and her children to attend college.

And people still contribute to a fund set up for her children at America First Credit Union.

Policemen and firefighters stop by to make sure Miyuki is safe and to purchase items from her store. They, along with a Marine here or there, help her fix things at the market or in her new Sugar House area home.

In Miyuki's market, the shelves are lined with items such as Panko Flakes, Gourmet Mochi Ice Cream, Mitsukan Citrus Seasoning, daikon (a radishlike vegetable,) Nishiki Premium Brown Rice, various gifts, magazines, rental movies with Japanese titles and, just below a drawing of Keiko's, Pocky chocolate-covered biscuit sticks.

Inside the market the mood is light. There are lots of smiles, and conversations solely in Japanese are common. Keiko and a cousin, a daughter of Julie's, play together.

"I think they are OK," Miyuki says about how her own children have dealt with losing Dad.

Miyuki envisions the market as a means of income and as both a gathering place and information hub for Utah's Japanese community. She has plans to remodel the market's present building, erected in the 1960s.

"Failure is not an option," she once told James' sister Julie about the business.

James is never far from Miyuki's thoughts. He is "always, always" part of her decisions as she asks herself questions such as: "What would he do?" and "Is he proud of me?"

When she's around her children, James is a strong presence.

"I feel my husband — it's the same, I can see him in my children," Miyuki says. "So, I'm not sad — I can see him."

What are people saying about mortgages today:

Rates on 30-year mortgages edged down last week to a seven-month low. Mortgage-giant Freddie Mac reported Thursday that 30-year, fixed-rate mortgages fell to 6.3 percent, down slightly from 6.31 percent two weeks ago. It put rates at the lowest level since they were at 6.24 percent the first week of March.

Bank of Hawaii, Central Pacific Bank, Territorial Savings Bank and Wells Fargo Home Mortgages all cut their 30-year mortgage rates to 5.75 percent this week.

Most people think of a mortgage as a means to an end. After all, you buy a house, not a home loan. But a mortgage is much more than the path to homeownership. It is a financial instrument that must be managed, just like any other financial investment.